"There are places I remember, all my life, though some have changed. Some for forever not for better, some have gone and some remain. All these places have their moments, with lovers and friends, I still can recall. Some dead and some are living, in my life, I've loved them all. But of all these friends and lovers, there is no one compares with you, and these memories lose their meaning, when I think of love as something new. Though I know I'll never lose affection, for people and things that went before, I know I'll often stop and think about them, in my life, I've loved you more."
I danced to this song, by The Beatles, at our wedding. Some sentiments never change.
Who knew at 40 I would love my husband more than when I married him? Who could have suspected that after 4 decades, my personal hero would still be my gran?
Battle after battle with depression.... losing my focus, finding my way, gaining friends, saying goodbye more than hello... such a circus this life.
December 18th came and went. Kristen, steadfast and true, remembered. Candice asked how I was doing. Angie Jackson, bless her sweet soul, reached out. 13 months now without Gran. Does it get easier or did I get tougher?
I have fallen on my own sword so many times I am gouged through. Didn't I say I would live up to her memory?
In the end, I was left a better person for knowing her... better, but forever grieved.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
The best of times
There are moments you will remember the rest of your days... your first kiss, your wedding, the birth of your first child.
There are moments you wish you could forget.... 9/11 chief among them.
There are the uncelebrated hallowed moments which might even go unrecorded, yet will come back to you in the best of your dreams.... your child's first steps, your first paycheck, your first date with the person you eventually marry.
Then there are the unexpected glimmers, the shining moments in life when you stop and realize that you shouldn't be waiting for heaven, you should be relishing every moment on earth.
I turned 40 this year. I've never dreaded this age, never feared turning older... in fact, I have spent most of my life longing to be older.
40. My God. How did we get this far?
My 40th birthday was celebrated 2 days before I actually turned that age. It was supposed to be a surprise party, but I've never dealt well with surprises. Sometime around October, convinced that my husband was not equipped to throw a suitable party, I began planning my own celebration. Foolish.
Tim had it covered. Actually, months before he had advised 18 friends to keep January 8th readily available.
In life, there are also those moments, meant to be celebrated, which are so stingingly anti-climactic, you swear your skin was left in welts... Prom, Graduation... in my case, the reception to my wedding.
40 was a coming out party, a Prom, a wedding reception, a birthday all in one. It was the most magnificent event I have ever had the privilege to attend.
Staged at the most exquisite hotel in Washington, The Jefferson, my 18 dear friends and me and Tim ushered in this newest decade in my life. We began the evening in the Library with Prosecco, tuna tartare, vichisoiyse, and goat cheese beignets. Dinner was served in the wine cellar... a stellar 3 course meal accompanied with the most delectable wines.
It was an intimate, decadent event. I felt feted, celebrated, and loved... and moreover, I felt blessed to share it with so many cherished friends.
None of us, the healthy, the sick, the wealthy, the poor, the pitiful, the brilliant, know how much time we have on this earth. Each birthday should be a celebration, an homage to a life well lived.
I have been blessed to see 40 birthdays. I am honored that my husband saw fit to regale me with such a lovely 40th birthday party.... it has inspired me to relish each and every moment.
There are moments you wish you could forget.... 9/11 chief among them.
There are the uncelebrated hallowed moments which might even go unrecorded, yet will come back to you in the best of your dreams.... your child's first steps, your first paycheck, your first date with the person you eventually marry.
Then there are the unexpected glimmers, the shining moments in life when you stop and realize that you shouldn't be waiting for heaven, you should be relishing every moment on earth.
I turned 40 this year. I've never dreaded this age, never feared turning older... in fact, I have spent most of my life longing to be older.
40. My God. How did we get this far?
My 40th birthday was celebrated 2 days before I actually turned that age. It was supposed to be a surprise party, but I've never dealt well with surprises. Sometime around October, convinced that my husband was not equipped to throw a suitable party, I began planning my own celebration. Foolish.
Tim had it covered. Actually, months before he had advised 18 friends to keep January 8th readily available.
In life, there are also those moments, meant to be celebrated, which are so stingingly anti-climactic, you swear your skin was left in welts... Prom, Graduation... in my case, the reception to my wedding.
40 was a coming out party, a Prom, a wedding reception, a birthday all in one. It was the most magnificent event I have ever had the privilege to attend.
Staged at the most exquisite hotel in Washington, The Jefferson, my 18 dear friends and me and Tim ushered in this newest decade in my life. We began the evening in the Library with Prosecco, tuna tartare, vichisoiyse, and goat cheese beignets. Dinner was served in the wine cellar... a stellar 3 course meal accompanied with the most delectable wines.
It was an intimate, decadent event. I felt feted, celebrated, and loved... and moreover, I felt blessed to share it with so many cherished friends.
None of us, the healthy, the sick, the wealthy, the poor, the pitiful, the brilliant, know how much time we have on this earth. Each birthday should be a celebration, an homage to a life well lived.
I have been blessed to see 40 birthdays. I am honored that my husband saw fit to regale me with such a lovely 40th birthday party.... it has inspired me to relish each and every moment.
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